Autogynephilia theory, on vested interests, and precedents set.


Ok time to dive in at the deep end yet again, it is time to discuss Autogynephilia theory.

Now to start opening this can of worms maybe we should begin by actually breaking down the theory itself, from there we can point out the fundemental flaws in this theory much more easily.

Autogynephilia theory is a theory coined by doctor Blanchard to divide transsexuality into 2 categories, the first of these categories is suprise suprise the homosexual transsexual,the second category being autogynephiliac transsexual. The first category is supposedly made up of transsexuals who transition for the male gaze, any non surgical transsexual person blanchard discusses he seems to shove into this category. The second the autogynephile is apparently any transsexual who is aroused by the thought of sex with themselves in a female body.

This theory has so many problems it is beyond belief, and its impact on us as a community is huge.

So now we know the theory maybe it’s time to discuss these flaws.

1. The homosexual transsexual, this is one huge issue from start to finish, it is based entirely on harmful stereotypes, assumes that trans folks are just gay men in denial, and to top it all off insultingly mislabels its victims. A trans woman who is attracted to men is precisely that, not a homosexual transsexual but a transsexual woman with an attraction to men. this myth is a direct contributory factor in Irans policy of surgical assault upon any individual with a history of crossdressing or who is unfortunate enough to be found to be homosexual . This is why this fundementally flawed point must be stopped, its perpetuation provides an excuse for surgical assault upon any individual who does not fit perfectly into the non trans, binary identified, heteronormative paradigm.

2. Transsexual people are still people, the autogynephilia theory seems to forget this . I may be aesexual myself but looking in I can see quite clearly human beings are a very sexual race for the large majority of cases. Most peoples bodily perceptions help define their sexuality, but what happens when that perception does not match with the body. Is the individual supposed to deny the existence of their sexual desires? or are they supposed to try to play along using a body that never ever fit who they were? a body that odds are repulses them.

Autogynephilia theory is nothing short of a deliberate act of sexuality shaming and control.The entire theory seems to be using a transsexual persons own bodily awareness , and often their own internalised transphobia as a weapon against them. It assumes that a trans persons sexuality defines every other factor of their life . It is insulting to everybody, assuming gay individuals transition due to lack of  strength to be themselves, that they must find above all else conceal their sexuality . It spreads about a meme that leads to direct surgical assault, that leads to reparative therapy despite the fact reparative therapy for transsexuality has been proven not to work and to also act as a contributory factor in increased suicide risk, worsening depression, and in some cases post traumatic stress if attempted. This theory also erases the existence of aesexual transsexuals such as myself, And is based on a theory of transsexuality that uses horribly out of date information and is fundementally flawed,

and finally 3. this theory was proposed and backed by individuals known to support reparative therapy including in one case a well known ex gay therapist. There were inadequate controls in the research and a clear bias was displayed throughout with weighted questions and cherrypicking of candidates.

As such Blanchards theory of autogynephilia and the linked theory autoandrophilia  are fundementally flawed, perpetuate harmful myths that damage individuals right across the LGBT spectrum, and all in all are merely sexuality shaming in a new guise. Our community already has enough of that to begin with in healthcare but that is an article for another day.

Trapped meme, of prisons and language barriers.


Ok let’s get to opening this particular can o worms, the I am trapped in the wrong body meme has become a problem. This explanation was intended originally for one reason, to explain the unimaginable to people who could never ever in a billion years understand it, because they have no context from which to empathise, without the vital personal context trans realities are incredibly difficult, if not impossible to comprehend fully.

Explaining becomes somewhat like trying to describe a duck billed platypus to somebody who had never heard of a duck, or a beaver, or an otter.

The reality is my body is not a prison, not a cell, it is mine from head to toe, but here’s where it gets hard to explain. The issue lies in how a person percieves themselves, nobody had to tell most people they were male or female, they look at their bodies and compare to others and just know. From the day our bodies are born we have an awareness of who we are, an internal blueprint if you will. Observe a child some time in early infancy and you will see they may be a tad clumsy but even if the child cannot see or hear they are aware of their body.

They know where their feet are, their nose is, where every part of their body is that awareness is constant, even prior to social conditioning. If they suddenly grew extra parts they would no doubt be upset, why? because even as a child a brain knows what shape the body is, to suddenly alter that leads to extreme and distressing cognitive dissonance.

Now it gets tricky, the plainest evidence I can produce is the unusual phenomenon known as phantom limb. If a human being loses a limb it is a recorded phenomenon that 60 to 80 percent of cases the individual may retain sensations of movement and awareness of the presence of said limb or organ despite its loss.

This phenomenon is due to the fact the body is neurologically mapped by the brain, as evidenced by experiments showing that holding a mirror between missing and attached limb make it physically possible to stop the phantom limb itching by scratching the existing arm. Remove the mirror and the same results cannot be achieved.

In cases of transsexualism the same issue arises, the blueprints our brains are following do not seem to match to the current form of our bodies, talking therapies have of course been tested, however in all cases the experiments failed. In my life I have heard of every kind of reparative therapy you could care to imagine used in an attempt to “cure” us, from talking therapy, ammonia therapy, and exorcism, right through to electro convulsion therapy altered for use as an aversion therapy.

For proof of how ineffective said treatments are look to the barbaric case often heralded as the proof that all of a persons identity is socially defined the tragic case of  David Reimer (August 22, 1965 – May 5, 2004) was a Canadian man who was born as a healthy male, but was sexually reassigned and raised as female after his penis was accidentally destroyed during circumcision Psychologist john money oversaw the case and reported the reassignment as successful, and as evidence that gender identity is primarily learned. Academic sexologist Milton Diamond later reported that Reimer failed to identify as female since the age of 9 to 11, and that he began living as male at age 15. Reimer later went public with his story to discourage similar medical practices. He later committed suicide, owing to suffering years of severe depression, financial instability and a troubled marriage.

This is the crux of the issue, when a person states that gender is entirely social construction. I agree with that entirely gender as we currently experience it is entirely social, HOWEVER I firmly believe that transsexuality is something outside the issue of gender, something currently lacking a word as gender was never our word to use. We merely borrowed it due to absence of appropriate language to explain fully our condition. Gender is a word for the social roles a person experiences daily, we need a word that better fits the lived realities of people rather than just more words of convenience. If we ever wish to gain full agency of our full bodies, if we are ever to break the stereotypes and attain the medical care we need to transition without judgement it’s time we took our bodies back. Found our own words, and showed the world we are human beings worthy of respect not an abstract theory of some quack, and sure as hell not something to be controlled.

Rapist freed because their intended victim was trans.


My faith in humanity is dying, a swedish court just freed a man because his intdended rape victim was transgendered, I shit you not. The wonderful logic behind this move? apparently since she was trans, ergo not posessing a vagina she could not have been raped.

This woman was beaten, her pants ripped off, and the attacker then proceeded to attempt a full out attack. Mercifully for the victim a witness intervened , however the courts decided the man was trying to rape the woman,  they ruled that it was in fact a woman the man wanted to rape, not a ‘physical man’ and although the fact that the victim had undergone hormone therapy to change gender was considered, the court ruled there was no completed rape.

There you have it, a full blown sex attack is apparently cool in sweden, just ensure your victim is trans, as appatrently all transsexuals are unrapeable. I must send a memo to my rapist to appraise him he is in fact innocent it seems. Never mind the fact this basically strips humanity from us, no equal protection under law, it also opens up a huge ass can of worms, have they not realised yet, not all rape victims identify or live as female, they just provided a lot of rapists a get out of jail free card. Way to go sweden, we will remember your courts think so little of our humanity.

Mispronouning, gender therapy, and the fallout. (extreme trigger warning)


Quite a few people come to us to discuss the validity of our identity, that in itself would be fine, however the manner of approach is not.

“I respect you as a woman but……….” do you see the problems there? let me break it down for those who failed to grasp the issues.

Problem 1, but………. , this is fairly simple really, if you respect somebody as who they are would you really need to add the but?, let’s rephrase it a little, “I respect you as a human being but…….” How about “I respect your opinion but……..,” try “I respect you as not a complete asshole but………” Now once more with feeling do you respect my identity or not? adding a proviso to respecting my identity just shows me you have about as much respect for my identity as is convenient for you at the time, it tells me your respect for me is worth precisely jack shit.

Problem 2. If you respect me as a woman why would you need to validate it in such a way? would you go up to a white hetero non trans individual and say “I respect you as a white hetero non transsexual”? didn’t think so, why not? because if you respect a person then you don’t just play lip service to respect, you respect a person in your actions. So we reach my problem, in many communities the but mentioned earlier is added , “I respect you as a woman but you are not a woman” being the usual one . So you respect my identity yet you are now going to completely invalidate it? So respectful. Here’s the kicker though, did you know when you say those words to a trans woman, or tell  a trans man you are not a man you are not the first person to tell them that?

It is standard practice in the gender clinics to remind all trans women of this fact throughout the process, because believe it or not, despite whatever you may have been told gender transition is an actively discouraged practice within the NHS.

Transition takes usually a minimum of half a decade, during that time do you assume we are helped? no, what happens during that time is all the indoctrination of a childhood, all the misoginy, all the bullshit, neatly compressed into 5 years. During transition you don’t get forced into present day gender roles, you get pushed back into roles better suited to the 1940s. Dress adrogyne, refused treatment, dress too masculine, rejected, dress like any other woman on the street and you’ll be told you’re not even trying.

Ever been refused medical care because your eyebrows weren’t waxed? I have, have you ever had a medical professional laughing behind your back as you walk away from hospital? How about having your records actively lost for over a year?

Oh also did I forget to mention the NHS have an additional requirement before hormones? a period of time living full time in role, that means going out every single day presenting as best you can as the gender you are transitioning to.

While this gender roles bootcamp is ongoing people outside the medical system decide to attempt DIY reparative therapy, corrective rape, assault, being spat on, cursed at, and publicly humiliated are day to day routine if you do not pass, and believe me no matter how good you are those first few months you will not pass.

Over recent years I have been assaulted over 30 times, had a knife shoved in my face twice, being sexually assaulted more times than I care to count , and being raped twice. After the second assault I couldn’t even go to the police again, I was crossexamined by a male officer after a sexual assault, who repeatedly mispronouned me, made it clear it was all my fault, and did fuck all to find my attacker.

My dentist is now advising me my jaw may need surgical correction for the sheer number of hits it has taken, it cracks every time it moves. All these attacks have one common factor, they all start with somebody guessing my birth sex, when you deliberately or accidentally use the wrong pronoun it isn’t big, clever, or harmless.

Those 5 little words are like a cork in a bottle of trauma, every time they are said all that pain, all those memories, all the nightmares spill out. I’m pinned again while that maniac holds a knife to my face and mutters how he thinks I’d like it if he cut it off then raped the wound. I’m back in the park, alone where I was ditched by people who used to be my friends, when they found out about my transition used those 5 little words. I’m surrounded again by 5 grown men all the other people around just walking by looking away, none of them will stick their neck out for me because “you are not a woman” Those words to a trans woman are trauma incarnate. Still think mispronouning does no harm?

If so go back read again and think about it a little, then come back and talk to me I’ll be happy to do so in a respectful and polite manner, however if you mispronoun me I reserve the right to be pissed off.

Hello dear monster. (trigger warning)


Hello stranger,

remember me?

what has been seen cannot be unseen

Memories should be a gift,

just wish I could return what you left me with,

the lightest of touches makes me shudder within,

like shards of glass scraping under my skin.

The breath of nightmares passing over my flesh,

no more peace,

no more smiles,

no more rest.

Hello demon,

I hope you despise what I’ve become,

you wanted a cowering victim,

but instead I just got strong.

Oh my precious monster,

how I hate you,

the harm you did,

I can never undo.

I’ve been expecting your visit,

but I’m no victim anymore,

hello my dear monster,

I’ve sharpened my claws.

You ask me to become you,

that I’ll never do,

the claws that you gave me ,

I’ll turn them on you

For those who still believe trans people support gender roles and choose their identity. (warning highly triggerry)


I am sick and tired of people making it sound like life as a trans person is a massive thrill ride of male privilege sunshine lollipops and rainbows. Most of the people who do so wouldn’t know the truth of transsexuality if it bit them on the ass. So I figured I’d try to tell my story so people can see what trans life is really like.

Right lets try this another way, for now I will use the term self integrity in the place of gender as in self identity, and use gender as a term to describe gender roles place in society etc. I chose the term self integrity for a reason, it is something constant and unwavering inside myself that has never changed, even as my perceptions of gender and the world around it have shifted.

Even before I knew the biological differences between boys and girls I knew who I was, I knew that parts of my body shouldn’t be there as long as I can remember. I physically had to concentrate to pee, my body responded in ways that physically repulsed me it wasn’t just feeling like a woman as you put it, that is a gross oversimplification. It is more like something felt fundementally wrong with me, like if you woke up with an extra head one morning level of dissonance, forcing me to ask questions no child of any age should ever have to ask themselves, why is my body so freakish.What the hell is wrong with me? About this point in my life gender started to be something rigidly enforced, like the entire world was trying to fix me as something was claimed to be wrong with me , but I knew who I was, and fought my little 5 year old heart out to be myself. Against such odds who could win?I was forced into a male gender , and even a toe out of line was penalised harshly, childhood toys destroyed in front of me, as I got older assaults were commonplace as people felt something off About me and were more than willing to use fists weapons spit on you sexually assault you , and any means were considered my own fault for something I didn’t even understand.

Through all this I stifled my self integrity, retreating into myself. At 10 years old I made my first suicide attempt. Tied a dressing gown cord around my neck , and the bunk beds, and jumped off. I passed out just as the cord snapped. My second attempt I was 11 years old I attempted to electrocute myself, even that had to be better than living stuck in a body that in no way belonged to me, that would never reflect who I was.

By the age of 18 I was alcoholic, suicidally depressed, and had buried myself so deeply my self integrity long since smothered by 2 sets of gender  conditioning, 1 set normal for a male of non trans origins the other set comparing myself to all those women in my life, mothers friends, family, the models on the catwalk, until something inside me broke, Seeing the perfect little stepford wives types on tv repulsed me as much as the macho men , All gender roles are complete and utter bullshit, a failing system propped up by years of misoginy. That was when I figured that out, but that didn’t make me any less a freak. My entire body was still like an ever changing monstrosity, the enemy, Eventually at 23 I learned of gender transition, and tracked down my doctor to ask for a referral. Until that point the only exposure I’d ever had to transsexual realities was sadly the jerrry springer show,was I supposed to like men? Because they did nothing for me but terrify me, then again I was scared of a lot of women too, all people hurt.

I eventually got to the gender clinic and was pleasantly surprised with the pre screening counsellor, he respected that we did not want to live our lives as eternal stereotypes, encouraged activities outside the binary gender , and reminded me of my self integrity , so deeply buried for so long. Encouraged me to be myself, above anything else. That made it extra jarring what came next, I was literally LOST for a year they lost my file and didn’t even bother contacting me. Then I got to the psychiatrist, she was obsessed with gender and forcing the roles, they wanted a satire of humanity, I had a choice, do or die. I jumped through their hoops then they decided to try to get me classed as mentally unable to decide for myself. They used my autism to try to cancel treatment and take away my physical and financial autonomy, and push me into supported accomodation.

They failed . I am still in transition, not for gender roles, those labels are bullshit but for my self integrity. For a body that physically matches and doesn’t make me miserable,

I know I’ll never have kids, and I’m OK with that even if it hurts like hell , I know that I could never ever ever have been the father of a child, the fact I will never be a mother either is something I learned to live with. Like everything else in my screwed up life,

I now dedicate my life to making sure some other kid doesn’t have to suffer through this shit. To trying to remind the gender clinics they are supposed to help the patient, forcing these roles upon them and refusing treatments until you act according to gender does NOT do that, in the end what matters is our integrity, our inner selves, if the bodies don’t match why should we be denied help? We know who we are, I am a woman of trans history and proud of it.