Of MRA’S and Morons, sorry dudes but even under white flag no truce with patriarchal scum.

Ok this shouldn’t even need to be said, but circumstances force my hand. Of late I have been hearing of a particularly rancid piece of shit trying to latch itself to our community. A name many of you may recall has been approaching trans women, trying to cower under a white flag and form a truce. Remember Agent Orange? the MRA scum? Yeah this particular turd it seems will not flush, and is trying to garner a truce with our community. Like any self respecting trans woman or trans man would ever stoop so low as to contaminate themselvces in such a way. In response to this members of the trans community formed the hashtag #orangeispatriarchy, To anybody naive enough to fall for this bastards bullshit DON’T trust this man. Yes he revealed some information once , but he has done a lot of harm to feminism as a movement too, Releasing the words of a handful of lunatic fringe as if they were the words of feminism as a whole, and attempting to divide the feminists along trans/ non trans battle lines is just another ploy to divide and conquer, please folks no matter what do not put your trust in him, doing so is like volunteering to play dentist to a hungry alligator without anaesthetic, you can garantee it will come back around to bite you in the ass somewhere along the line.

Trans ableism, a transsexuals perspective.

Recently whenever I am interrogated by a bigot they always seem to ask one  question “what about that trans paraplegic how do you account for that?” To that I have one simple answer, I don’t, straw men are so hard to argue against. after all you wouldn’t ask  a an eagle to explain how it feels to be a budgie or account for the actions of said budgie would you? The trans abled phenomena seems to be a relatively new arrival on the scene, just like transsexualism was considered until very recently. As such I will not presume to imprint my pet theories upon them, for one simple reason . I will not turn myself into a hypocrite to score a few points in an argument against a bigot.

To put it simply they have a right to their belief, I would much rather leave the decision on how to treat these individuals to a medical professional than try to form an opinion based on very poor facts and my gut. I will not become like the people who inscribed their pet theories on my identity and throw people under the goddamned bus. I will not speak for them as it is not my place to. I will also be closer examining my own privilege as an able bodied person as my first thoughts seemed somewhat ableist and that is unacceptable.

CeCe mcdonald to be housed in a male prison.

Come on people, the courts have decided in their clearly not infinite wisdom  to send cece mcdonald, a trans woman of colour charged with murder for defending herself after being glassed in a gang attack upon herself, to a mens prison. Ever hear of cruel and unusual punishment, the judge even chastised mcdonald for endangering her attacker while fleeing for her life. Because with a glass in my face being chased down the street by a neo nazi scumbag intent to kill me my first thought will always be “but what if the nice would be murderer gets a boo boo while hunting me down?” This is not justice people, apparently it is if you’re a trans woman of colour. Who knew justice was an identical twin to injustice?

Mispronouning, gender therapy, and the fallout. (extreme trigger warning)

Quite a few people come to us to discuss the validity of our identity, that in itself would be fine, however the manner of approach is not.

“I respect you as a woman but……….” do you see the problems there? let me break it down for those who failed to grasp the issues.

Problem 1, but………. , this is fairly simple really, if you respect somebody as who they are would you really need to add the but?, let’s rephrase it a little, “I respect you as a human being but…….” How about “I respect your opinion but……..,” try “I respect you as not a complete asshole but………” Now once more with feeling do you respect my identity or not? adding a proviso to respecting my identity just shows me you have about as much respect for my identity as is convenient for you at the time, it tells me your respect for me is worth precisely jack shit.

Problem 2. If you respect me as a woman why would you need to validate it in such a way? would you go up to a white hetero non trans individual and say “I respect you as a white hetero non transsexual”? didn’t think so, why not? because if you respect a person then you don’t just play lip service to respect, you respect a person in your actions. So we reach my problem, in many communities the but mentioned earlier is added , “I respect you as a woman but you are not a woman” being the usual one . So you respect my identity yet you are now going to completely invalidate it? So respectful. Here’s the kicker though, did you know when you say those words to a trans woman, or tell  a trans man you are not a man you are not the first person to tell them that?

It is standard practice in the gender clinics to remind all trans women of this fact throughout the process, because believe it or not, despite whatever you may have been told gender transition is an actively discouraged practice within the NHS.

Transition takes usually a minimum of half a decade, during that time do you assume we are helped? no, what happens during that time is all the indoctrination of a childhood, all the misoginy, all the bullshit, neatly compressed into 5 years. During transition you don’t get forced into present day gender roles, you get pushed back into roles better suited to the 1940s. Dress adrogyne, refused treatment, dress too masculine, rejected, dress like any other woman on the street and you’ll be told you’re not even trying.

Ever been refused medical care because your eyebrows weren’t waxed? I have, have you ever had a medical professional laughing behind your back as you walk away from hospital? How about having your records actively lost for over a year?

Oh also did I forget to mention the NHS have an additional requirement before hormones? a period of time living full time in role, that means going out every single day presenting as best you can as the gender you are transitioning to.

While this gender roles bootcamp is ongoing people outside the medical system decide to attempt DIY reparative therapy, corrective rape, assault, being spat on, cursed at, and publicly humiliated are day to day routine if you do not pass, and believe me no matter how good you are those first few months you will not pass.

Over recent years I have been assaulted over 30 times, had a knife shoved in my face twice, being sexually assaulted more times than I care to count , and being raped twice. After the second assault I couldn’t even go to the police again, I was crossexamined by a male officer after a sexual assault, who repeatedly mispronouned me, made it clear it was all my fault, and did fuck all to find my attacker.

My dentist is now advising me my jaw may need surgical correction for the sheer number of hits it has taken, it cracks every time it moves. All these attacks have one common factor, they all start with somebody guessing my birth sex, when you deliberately or accidentally use the wrong pronoun it isn’t big, clever, or harmless.

Those 5 little words are like a cork in a bottle of trauma, every time they are said all that pain, all those memories, all the nightmares spill out. I’m pinned again while that maniac holds a knife to my face and mutters how he thinks I’d like it if he cut it off then raped the wound. I’m back in the park, alone where I was ditched by people who used to be my friends, when they found out about my transition used those 5 little words. I’m surrounded again by 5 grown men all the other people around just walking by looking away, none of them will stick their neck out for me because “you are not a woman” Those words to a trans woman are trauma incarnate. Still think mispronouning does no harm?

If so go back read again and think about it a little, then come back and talk to me I’ll be happy to do so in a respectful and polite manner, however if you mispronoun me I reserve the right to be pissed off.

Radfem 2012, the aftermath.

Ok so here we are again, I’m pretty sick of having this conversation by now, but I have a request of my trans brothers and sisters, do not block this event. Womens spaces are rare enough as is, they need places they can feel safe.

As a transwoman I am dismayed at seeing the event is exclusionary of trans individuals despite the laws of our country and still seeks to debate our existence, but I am a supporter of free speech. How do you reconcile an event that denies your very reality with that? quite simply really, by reaching out and requesting a debate at which all are welcome while respecting the desires of those who organised the event.

You cannot change a human beings beliefs by force, only by reasoned debate, shiela jeffries has repeatedly closed her ears to such discussion, but not every radfem does. Surely there has to be a better way, I know I’m gonna get a lot of flack for making this post, but somebody has to. So here goes, just please folks, think about it ok?

The fucking cotton celing debate again, or put the whip away and back away from the equine carcass.

First off I should probably state, as a transwoman myself I despise this theory, I think it is poorly worded, fundementally wrong, and needs to be removed from use before it can do anymore harm.

That being said I would like to apologise.

To those who were offended or harmed by this term and the fallout it wrought I apologise.

To those who decided to interfere in consenting relationships between two people based on the fact one was trans I do not apologise. It is not the victims place to apologise

To those who felt pressured or coerced by this term, to those who felt pressured into accepting trans partners based upon this , or felt your refusal would be deemed transphobic I apologise.

To those who treated transpeoples presence in a way closer akin to an unclean parasite than a human being I do not apologise.

To those who felt transphobic based on lack of attraction to trans people  I apologise.

To those who deliberately misgendered trans people as a way to harm them or interfere in their relationships and friendships even with those they were out to, I will never apologise to you, you have acted in ways as misogynistic and privileged as the patriarchy itself.

To any and all who suffered through this horrid term, it’s effects. the opressiveness of it. the rapeyness of the term itself I apologise.

To any and all who ever used this term as a weapon of debate, to any who ever used it to pressure another human being. You have done more harm to the trans community as a whole than you could ever imagine. I am ashamed such actions ever took place.

That being said I would like to propose we let this term die, there are better ways to get through to people than this. I would like to see trans and non trans move on with their lives as peacefully as possible and this term die as it should have done long ago.

Exploring the void.

In the darkness,

trapped in the mist,

set out with a memory,

and a nightmares kiss.

They set out to harm me,

they succeded before,

I sharpen the memory,

into a blade that I draw.

Before me a light

that cuts through the dark,

the smile of the lady,

who lightens my heart.

Across from me now,

my demons defy me,

though she has no blade,

my ladies beside me.

She’s there to remind me

to teach me the lesson,

I could be a monster,

or fight to be better.

She strengthens my spirit,

my body transforms,

the spirit inside me,

grows stronger reborn.

I laugh at my demons,

sheathing my blade,

to battle these monsters,

this isn’t the way.

If I meet them in violence,

a beast I’ll become,

instead I’ll defend,

all the innocent ones.

my past will now aid me,

to be loyal and strong.

Though the mist still surrounds me,

I’m no longer afraid,

the lady and lord,

are there lighting the way.

Hello dear monster. (trigger warning)

Hello stranger,

remember me?

what has been seen cannot be unseen

Memories should be a gift,

just wish I could return what you left me with,

the lightest of touches makes me shudder within,

like shards of glass scraping under my skin.

The breath of nightmares passing over my flesh,

no more peace,

no more smiles,

no more rest.

Hello demon,

I hope you despise what I’ve become,

you wanted a cowering victim,

but instead I just got strong.

Oh my precious monster,

how I hate you,

the harm you did,

I can never undo.

I’ve been expecting your visit,

but I’m no victim anymore,

hello my dear monster,

I’ve sharpened my claws.

You ask me to become you,

that I’ll never do,

the claws that you gave me ,

I’ll turn them on you